Self-care

Self-care has become a cultural phenomenon. When I think about it, pre-covid I had never really heard of it expressed in this way. Had you? From spa days and mindfulness apps to scented candles and luxury retreats, the concept is everywhere we turn. Social media is filled with posts encouraging us to prioritise self-care’ or ‘treat ourselves,’ and is usually shown with an image of a face mask, a bubble bath, or an expensive wellness product. But what does self-care really mean? And is it always as beneficial as it seems?

Self-care is about maintaining our well-being: mentally, emotionally, and physically. It can be as simple as taking some deep conscious breaths after a stressful day, getting enough sleep, or setting boundaries. However, in today’s digital world, the definition of self-care has been shaped and moulded by marketing forces. Brands have turned it into a billion-dollar industry, and social media has transformed it into a performative act rather than a deeply personal practice.

Dr Lakshmin, in her book Real Self-Care states, ‘Real self-care is not a noun—it’s a verb. It’s an ongoing internal process that guides us toward profound emotional wellness and reimagines how we interact with others.’ I love this definition as it takes back self-care from consumerism and motivates us to address our deeper emotional needs. Her definition moves self-care away from being a transaction and grounds it as a process of internal growth.

I have been on a journey of self-discovery for a few years now and I have bought into so much self-care I should be bankrupt! However, as my journey progressed I began to understand that all these surface level ‘self-care’ rituals I was falling for were not supporting my wellbeing and growth at all. I’m not saying that my trip to a spa was not nourishing and refreshing in some way because it was, but I had some deeper challenges and core beliefs that needed attending to. I had been living in such a high state of stress for so many years I realised that my mind and body was so dysregulated that I was numb and no amount of superficial self-care was going to cut it.

I began to take ownership of my wellbeing through daily conscious choices. I realised it is about how we show up for ourselves again and again, not just when things fall apart.

So, what do I now do differently? I try to make sure I get enough sleep; I go to bed at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning. I try my hardest, eighty percent of the time, to nourish my body with nutrient dense foods. I drink plenty of water. I move my body in a way that feels good to me: walk, yoga, swim and run. I spend time out in the healing energy of nature. I have set and maintained healthy boundaries to protect my emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. I learnt to say ‘no’. I began to consciously respond to stimuli in my life rather than automatically reacting to it; this was as simple as taking a few deep belly breaths when faced with a trigger or a set back so that I allow my neocortex (wise owl part of the brain responsible for thinking, reasoning, decision making and self-awareness) to remain on line. I have gradually learnt all of this over a period of a year.

At first, I started with small, simple changes: drinking more water and making sure I walked every day, no matter how short the walk. I used to think a walk wasn’t worth it unless I could go out for at least an hour, so I’d put it off entirely. Now, I just get outside, even if it’s only for 10 or 15 minutes. Over time, those small efforts add up and make a real difference.

One of the most powerful shifts I’ve made is conscious breathing. I now take deep, intentional breaths throughout the day: while driving, during a walk, or simply pausing to take in my surroundings. This small act has had a profound impact on how I feel.

For over 20 years, I told myself (and others), I don’t have time. Looking back, I wish I could tell my younger, stressed-out self: There is always time if you make time. I never stopped to consider how I was choosing to spend it. In many ways, I chose stress. The story I told myself was that I thrived on being busy and overwhelmed. I believed neglecting myself was just the way it had to be. The truth? I had no real respect for my own well-being.

So, what story are you telling yourself? Real self-care isn’t about indulgence; it’s about intention. Maybe it’s time to rewrite the narrative and start showing up for yourself - every single day.